Photo by: Ivan Ong Restoration God had to first restore my identity, to enable me to understand what it meant to be His child, what it meant to be who He created me to be. He had to break my dependence on people and to cause my focus and pursuit to be on Him. Being a young adult, it felt a little embarrassing to discover who I am at my age; it felt embarrassing to learn what it means to be a friend and to manage relationships. But it was a necessary process, a long, painful process and I had to face my deepest fear at that time: Loneliness. However, it was only after I was able to face and overcome it was I able to learn how to be with others, to see my mistake of placing importance in people over God and to experience the promise that God would really be with us and meet our deepest needs. It was a long journey of ups and downs, of learning and seemingly more failures than victories. There were times and moments where I went back to being dependent on people, insecure and emotionally manipulative. But God was there and provided two people who stood by me throughout. I only very recently emerged with a new and perhaps healthier perspective of friendships, which I humbly share below. Treasure From here on, I would like to say that God suddenly blessed me with many friends and I finally had what I always wanted. But no, what God did was even better. He healed and restored my lack and fears; I am no longer afraid to be alone, no longer dependent on people for my identity and security, and I am able to be a better friend, one who no longer manipulates and controls, but loves freely and genuinely from the heart. Yes, I still feel lonely at times but no longer do I self-destruct but rather, am able to re-frame my thoughts and really rest in the quiet assurance that God is near me. I had finally understood when the Bible said ‘I will never leave nor forsake you.’ (Deut 31:6). I lost friendships when God started His restoring work, but the few I was left with become meaningful and dear to my heart. God didn’t exactly send new friends into my life, He might do so in the future, but He deepened the friendships that I already had as I learnt how to submit and surrender to God. I began to appreciate and enjoy them and for people that I am not naturally able to click, God has taught me how to learn to be open and interact with them from a caring and loving heart. It doesn’t come naturally; we have to pray for it and be open to God’s work. I have come a long way in my understanding of friendships, and from being a slave to something that God has meant for good, God has set me from the enemy’s trap and live as how He has created me to be. More importantly, I have learnt how to pursue and place God as the centre of my life, and trusting that He will come through for me. Who or what is the treasure of your heart? I pray that you will be able to experience the reality of God’s power and love, and what He can do for you in your life too, not just in your friendships but other areas of your life too. These are some points that I have learned over the last two years, and I humbly hope it might be useful:
Dear Father, we thank you for the gift of friendships that you have created and given to us, that you have designed for us to enjoy the fellowship and sharing with one another. Lord, teach us how to pursue and enjoy our relationship with You first, so that our security and identity will be placed firmly in you. May we come to realise that You care for our every need, friendships included, and that You have promised to meet every one of them. There is no need too small that You won’t care about. God, as we seek first Your righteousness, may You grant us godly friends that will journey and walk alongside us, where we will have people in our lives that we can celebrate our joys and victories, people to confide and share our troubles and failures, and people that will inspire and challenge us to grow. May You always be in the centre of our friendships and that it would not become an idol that takes Your place and our identity away, and more importantly, You being the treasure of our heart. Teach us Lord, how to be a godly friend and person, to love and bless as how You do. Thank you for always being there for us, even as we may not see or feel you in the mess of it all. We pray for your grace and love to be upon us, in Jesus name, Amen!
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